The Sports Page - Rock Paper Scissors Tournament

The weather was just brilliant inside Keyspan Park that day,
As crowds came down to Coney Isle to watch the Cyclones play.

But before baseball took the field another type of game
Was thrilling spectators into both clamor and acclaim.

A Rock Paper Scissors tournament was taking place

With sixty-four participants of cunning skill and grace.

The best competitors throughout the nation were all there.

Their throws were ordered, timed and planned with discipline and care.

They came from Mable, Acme, Rapid City, and Eastport,
From the gangs of Barker Creek and from the Burg's own royal court.
But the proudest town was Yuba - they were not to be outdone -
For Jeffrey, mighty Jeffrey, had been seeded number one.


There was ease in Jeffrey's manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Jeffrey's bearing and a smile on Jeffrey's face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly raised his chin,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt 'twas Jeffrey that would win.


The rules were read aloud and the format was explained,
All signals must be uniform, all hand movements sustained.
Keep palms face down on paper and keep thumbs outside on rock.
Best of three determines winner, throwing "fire" is a crock.


The first round then began and Jeffrey's victim took his stance,
An eight year old named Scott who clearly didn't stand a chance.


Scott trembled as he faced the Yuban player eye-to-knee.
Mighty Jeffrey looked down at him and they both counted to three.


Then Jeffrey's mighty rock crushed Scott's poor scissors into bits
And the crowd went nearly crazy as they marveled at his wits.
But then a strange thing happened and the crowd's excitement died,
For Scott's scissors cut Jeff's paper and the contest now was tied.


With the final throw upon him mighty Jeffrey's muscles strain
And the crowd knows the top seed will not let Scott best him again.
And now the pair count off to three and now their movements taper
And now their signals appear and young Scott has chosen paper.


Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere and somewhere hearts are light,


And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere kittens flock;


But there is no joy in Yuba - mighty Jeffrey has thrown rock.


The End