Kelly's Travel Column: Brooklyn is not Siberia

You know they exist. You've heard them ... late at night in the Village ... or from the shadows of a Murray Hill bar:

"Oh my god. The most horrible thing happened to me this weekend! I was so drunk and I got on a train and I passed out and I woke up ... ... in Brooklyn."

THE HORROR!

My first encounter with these ... people ... went like this:

Client: "So where do you live?"

Kelly: "Brooklyn!"

Client: "Oh my god. We'll have to do more business with you. Get this girl some money!"

Who are they? They are the nightmare that haunts the lonely nights of your 5th grade teacher. They are the followers of Rowbotham. Yes, that's right, they are... Geography Failers!!!

Lucky to have made it through high school. Why are they GFs, our readers may wonder? Well they clearly believe Brooklyn is Siberia!

This is not Brooklyn.

Now, Brooklyn may not be the metropolis that is Yuba. And you do see the occasional Siberian Husky around ...

However, I can conclusively prove, once and for all, that Brooklyn is not Siberia.

Today's temperature: 95 degrees.

Kelly's Travel Column: Yuba is not like Paris

Yuba is not a town known for its tree lined boulevards, its dimly lit, cozy cafes, or its riverbank booksellers. In fact, the only thing Yuba is known for (other than that rash of freakish natural disasters in 1974) is the now defunct Yuba Trading Post. Perhaps our readers imagine a derelict building, tucked in among some woods, rich with the history of a small town in Northern Michigan.


This is not the case. It is a boring square building with some boarded up windows.

(Actual photograph).

Actually I think it might be a paintball store now. In short, there is no romance in Yuba. And, no surprise, the Editor in Chief of Yuba's #1 newspaper is not particularly sentimental.

So, when the girlfriend of said Editor came home this evening and said ...

"Pop Doyle, I saw such a romantic thing today! I was walking across the Brooklyn Bridge and I sat on a bench to tie my shoelace, and the sun was setting, and the sky was open all around me, and then I looked down and saw these words written on the bench: 'She said yes!' ... Isn't that great?"

... she wasn't really expecting much.

She also wasn't expecting him to say,

"I think graffiti vandals should be locked up for life."