Jalen's Column

Jalen the Cat here and wow does it feel good to be the top dog.

I'm referring to the Yuba Post's sidebar poll question in which my column has held a commanding lead for "favorite feature" since the poll was put up almost a month ago. The editors, of course, continue to extend the length of the poll, which was originally to have closed two weeks ago. They're just hoping I'll get knocked off the top spot. You see, they don't like me being #1 because they're afraid I'll get too big and then they'll have to cat-toe to all my demands. As if they don't already! Let it be known that Jalen the Cat has never, not in any of his 9 lives, altered his column because of editors', sponsors', or feeders' demands. I write straight from the meow and I tell it like it is.

On that note, I'd like to use my new status to speak out against a terrible, inhumane website that has somehow infiltrated the previously vulgarity-free Internet. It's called Stuff on My Cat.com and it takes delight in showing images of torture and humiliation. Here are just three tame examples from the past week:

---------WARNING! NSFW!----------

Terrifying images like these are being added to the site every day! Stuff on My Cat.com must be stopped! How any cat can allow its humans to get away with such behavior is beyond me. Someone should really notify the Feline Amnesty International League (F.A.I.L.). I would do it myself but I'm busy being the #1 feature of the Yuba Post - an organization that, luckily for me, would never engage in such cruel, degrading activities.

Sorry to get so serious this week, but I just hope this column can make some sort of difference. And, with that said, I think it's time for a well-deserved nap.