Yuba Post to E. R. News: "Back Up Off Me"

With the exception of the Tootsie Roll War of 1974, the people of Yuba have always gotten along well with the residents of Elk Rapids, that large city to our north. And so it would stand to reason that Yuba's newspaper, the Yuba Post (what you're reading now), has no major conflict with Elk Rapids' own newspaper: The Elk Rapids News. But the friendly relationship between the two publications was seriously strained last week when the Elk Rapids News - without prior consent from the Yuba Post - ran a front page story on the old (1860) Yuba schoolhouse.

What? There wasn't enough news in Elk Rapids last week so they had to start stealing stories from our turf? That's ridiculous. We realize that Yuba probably has more journalistic "action" per week than our northern neighbors, but it's still hard to believe that there were no stories in all of Elk Rapids. This obviously unnecessary encroachment into our territory is quite disturbing, and is being taken by our editorial board as a serious potential threat. If the Elk Rapids News is thinking of extending its coverage (and, by extension, its readership) into Acme Township, then they clearly don't know what they're up against. Our reporting may not swing for the fences every night, but when challenged, the Yuba Post is like a hungry, caged lemur let loose on a bag of assorted fruits and leaves. Our news coverage will be a tenacious, audacious, bodacious assault on all matters great and small. Reporting. Interviewing. Fact-checking. Photojournalism. LimerickPics. Spelling. Penmanship. We will not let up. So if the E.R. News wants a battle, then we say bring it on. *

And besides, what kind of story was this anyway? An article about the old schoolhouse? If there was a story there, doesn't the Elk Rapids News think we would have written it already? Of course we would have - but there isn't a story! Here's the story: "The Yuba schoolhouse is way old." Nuff said. It doesn't take two pages and it certainly isn't front page material.

Amateurs...

*But don't really, please, because we don't actually want to work that hard.