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Community Forum

This week's question for discussion:

What's your favorite thing about refusing to participate in the Yuba Post Community Forum?

Discuss.

The Signs of Sayler Park

For your viewing pleasure:

The entrance.

The rules.

The always important Rule #11.

Another important rule. Good to know.


Due to the four screws adhering this sign to the wall, it's safe to assume the shelter is rarely reserved.

A reasonable request.

Get your swim on here.

NO DOGS was clearly an afterthought.

We hear they have vacancies.

Hmmm...

Guest LimerickPic

-Prepare yourselves.

-What follows is the only officially licensed double stanza LimerickPic in the history of the known universe.

-This LimerickPic was not written by Yuba Post staff.

-Yuba Post staff have been attempting double stanza LimerickPics for decades, but have never succeeded.

-Yuba scientists have studied pictorial-literary phenomenons and deemed the double stanza LimerickPic to be unrealizable, and "purely the stuff of science fiction."

-And yet, Yuba Post correspondent Brandon Hall has composed - using legible English and an actual photographic depiction - a double stanza LimerickPic.

-It was the first LimerickPic he ever attempted to write.

-He must be brought down a peg:

-Brandon Hall is from Williamsport, PA, home of the Little League World Series, and yet, as a boy, he failed to play in the Little League World Series, and this failure nullifies any accomplishments he has achieved, or will achieve later in life, including the composition of double stanza LimerickPics, and renders his existence on this planet unsuccessful.

-Better.

-This is the first officially licensed double stanza LimerickPic in the history of the known universe, created by Brandon Hall:



It was a harmless walk down the Yuba street
When I came across this puffy seat
It spoke to me--
Not figuratively
So terrified, I hustled home in the Yuba heat.

The next day, I returned to the chair
Still stranded there in the summer air
Again it spoke
And told this joke:
What kind of animal sits on your head? A hare.

My chair has a crappy sense of humor.


Photo presumably taken by Brandon Hall.
"LimerickPic" is a trademarked format by Yuba Industries.
Contact Nik Frank-Lehrer for licensing information.

Jalen's Column - Back From Vacation

Jalen the Cat here. I'm back from my Hawaiian vacation. It was the most fun I've had since the Teen Choice Awards after party - as much pineapple as I could lick, and all the sun was great for my fur. Plus I became a licensed Hula dancer. Maybe I'll write more about it later, but for my first post-vacation blog I thought I'd just mention the resort where I stayed. It's right on the coast in Maui, a beautiful view. All the rooms come with free cat's pajamas. Plus it's got a fantastic social scene - just check out the promotional video below. Now that's what I'm meowin' about!

The Yuba Cemetery

Burial Plot 42

Here Lies Jeff Richardson

1912-1936

Son, Brother, and Little League Baseball Star

"Yuba won't be the end of ol' Jeff Richardson."

Heeeeeere's Jeffrey!!!

Jeff probably went this way. I'll have him tracked down in no time.


Yuba is beautiful. I can see why Jeff speaks so highly of it. ...Though I still haven't seen any of those businesses he writes about. Or any other humans beings, for that matter.


Jeff's been lost 10 days already, what's a few extra minutes on the swing set?


...And what harm can a few minutes on this spinny thing be?



...And a few extra hours looking at the sunflower fields.


...And an afternoon game of volleyball.


...And maybe I'll check out this natural area. Who was I looking for again? I love Yuba.


Oh, here's a cute little informational display. And on the other side are old photographs of Yuba. How neat!


Here's one with some old Yuba fashions on display.


And there's the old schoolhouse.


And an old little-league tea...


...AHHHHHH!

(cue dramatic music)

Weekend Edition Preview

Beginning tomorrow:
Lost in Yuba, Season 2:
In Which Kelly Searches for Jeff in an Enchanted Place, Meets a Heffalump, And We Say Good-bye.

Yuba Scores Low on Walking

Breaking News:

Only days after receiving a perfect score on the Astronomers' Association's "Light Pollution of North American Cities," rankings, Yuba has been knocked off its high horse. An incredibly useful and vitally important new Internet tool called "Walk Score" has given Yuba a failing grade. The site measures the "walkability" of any given address, and then provides a grade on a scale of 100. For example, the Yuba Post Brooklyn Office in New York City received an 85 out of 100:
Yuba, on the other hand, received a 6:

A 6 out of 100 is nothing to be proud of. We're not sure what percentage that is exactly, but it's got to be around 15% or so, maybe lower. Clearly, this is a failing grade. Something needs to be done, and fast. Yuba must improve its walkablility, before we lose the right to walk entirely!

Obituaries

Undetermined.

Weekend News Roundup

News in brief from last weekend:

-Mrs. Toofelstipe's gerbil gets new cage.
-Abandoned car found on Yuba Road.
-Village Council meeting canceled due to lack of interest.
-Yuba Post Building struck again by eggs.
-Abandoned pair of sunglasses found in Yuba Creek.
-Chiclets Gum machine in Yuba-Bam! Diner runs out of gum.
-Bake sale canceled due to lack of baked goods.
-Abandoned watch, compass, cellphone, camera and water bottle found near Natural Area.

-Oh, and we also received an unlabeled videotape with a bloodstained note insisting that we post its contents:

The Missing Page

MISSING PERSON

Jeffrey Philip Richardson

Age: 24
Occupation: Former Journalist
Eyes: Deep, dreamy blue
Skin: Silky soft Caucasian
Height: 6'3"
Weight: That's personal

Missing Since: August 15th, 2007

Last Known Location: The Yuba Creek Natural Area in Yuba, Michigan.

Last Known Photo of Jeffrey, taken at the Natural Area:

Last Person to See Jeffrey: The photographer of above picture.

Recent Photographs of Jeffrey:

Head Shot:

Photo from the Neck Down:

Jeffrey's Cat:
If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of Mr. Richardson, please write theyubapost@yahoo.com

No reward has been offered by friends or family.

A Daring Adventure

Jeff Richardson - explorer extraordinaire - seeks out thrills and intrigue in Yuba.

Desperately Lost in Yuba: A Photographic Diary

Three days wandering Yuba. Yuba! Why, of all the godforsaken ghost towns in Michigan, did I choose Yuba? There are a million other towns for a blog, but I had to choose the one impossible to get out of.

Still, I've been in tougher jams before. I'll find my way out. Yuba won't be the end of ol' Jeff Richardson. ...If I'm wrong, you can put that on my tombstone.

Ah! Here's a road... with bushes growing in it. Not an encouraging sign.

Obviously this is some sort of trick to purposefully confuse out-of-towners. Do I go straight? Do I go right? Do I climb a tree? ...Well I'm not falling for it. I'm going left.

Yes, left is clearly the way. I've got a tremendous sense of direction. ...Actually, it's amazing I've been lost this long.

Well, there's downtown Yuba off in the distance - but the road ends! Damn! Looks like I'll have to retrace my steps and try to find another way.

Maybe I'll have better luck if I follow the river. As long as I don't see any toothless children playing banjos I should be okay.

Damn! Stopped in my tracks by the Yuba rapids. There's no way through. I'll have to find another route.

What's this? A natural area? The sign is so new and inviting. And there's no one around... It's almost like it was put there just for me...

Hmmm, it's been hours and this trail doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Empty field after empty field. I didn't think Yuba was this big.

Look! I see something! A sign! A sign for... trees? Trees? But there aren't any trees within 100 yards of that post. Is this some sort of sick joke? What evil is behind all this!?

Two days on this trail. The scenery never changes.

There's something impossible about this place. Unnatural. It just goes on and on with nothing in sight. This can't be! Yuba isn't endless! YUBA IS A SMALL TOWN! A GHOST TOWN! That's why I chose it!

That's why I chose it...

...Or did I? Now I can't help but wonder: did I choose this town...

...Or did this town choose me?