Case Not Closed on July 31st Post

Yuba Post editors cut their week long (frisbee) golf vacation short by three days after new information surfaced regarding the events of the July 31st post.

The now infamous post was comprised entirely of unintelligible words and phrases and its authorship was originally deemed a mystery. But on August 4th an emergency task force concluded that the post was the result of Rapid City ninjas who physically invaded Post offices. This conclusion was based almost entirely on the testimony of regular Post contributor Jeff Richardson, the only staff member present during the attack, and also one of the two members of the investigating task force.

Other than the ninja-fearing panic/mass exodus that struck Yuba and crippled its social and civic infrastructures, the Yuba Post assumed the story was over. But Mr. Richardson's testimony has now been called into question. Apparently, a small, cordless telephone (called a cellular phone or a "cell") with a motion picture recording device built into it (we didn't believe it at first, either) captured footage of Mr. Richardson at the Yuba Pub Tavern and Brewery Yum Yum on the night of the 31st - only hours before the offending post was published. The image shows Richardson "dancing" with a chair by himself, probably intoxicated and seemingly wearing a nose flute. But the incriminating evidence is on the soundtrack, in which Mr. Richardson can be heard repeating the phrase "hibity jibity" over and over again. This is the same phrase that was published by the ninjas who attacked Richardson later that night.

It would be easy to jump to conclusions and claim that the only person to see the Rapid City ninjas, and the only person inside Yuba Post offices on the 31st, and the only person who quoted phrases from the post before it was published (all the same person) is a liar and a fraud and, in fact, wrote the post himself in a drunken stupor. But this would be unprofessional journalism and the Yuba Post will not be assigning blame until all the facts are in. Rest assured, however, that the situation will be the top priority of Post editors as they return from their shortened vacation tomorrow morning.

In the meantime, until all the facts are in, this publication will continue to assign blame for the July 31st post to the hoards of nefarious Rapid City ninjas that continue to threaten the freedom of our society.

The editors wish to thank Eric Miller, M. Ryan Kundinger, Jalen the Cat, and Kelly for filling in the past four days. As our vacation has been cut short, scheduled guest posts by Bill Clinton and Sammy the Evil Cat will, sadly, no longer be necessary (Mr. Frank-Lehrer's guest post will not be missed).